I never know where to start whenever I write on this. Guess I need to write on it more often and that might solve that "problem". To say the least and to kind of sum it up, I feel as though I have grown more in this past week than in my freshmen or sophomore year! Not all has been easy, but most definitely worth it! My heart, my soul is more and more hungry for my Father's face--I don't even know what to do with it all.



I will expound on one major aspect of this past week.



First off...a little background. For the past two years I have felt as though God has had something for me, a gift that I wasn't aware of yet. I have known that I am gifted in encouragement, but there was something else. I couldn't figure it out! Well I am a very visual person, always have been, so when I recieved my first vision from God, I didn't know what to do with it. I questioned, was that me? Did I just make that up? I honestly had been, in a sense, ignoring them because I claimed them to be part of my visual thinking.



Like I had stated in the last post, this past month has been insane. Just a couple weeks ago I decided to step out of my role as a small group leader. I was getting incredibly drained and I had been feeling like God was calling me some place else, where...I didn't know. After having made that descision I had to ask myself the question, "now where?". I didn't seem to "fit in" anywhere. So, in this search of pretty much trying to figure out a large chunk of who I am, I was asked the questions; "where do you find joy, what weighs you down, what fills you up?" Those questions intruiged me! I couldn't answer them right away. So thus began my observing of myself.


***this post wasnt finished when i started...and that was awhile ago, but im going to post it now just for the heck of it.lol even though i dont think points were finished.***

No Words.

I don't even know where to start. The past months? Weeks? How bout days. I will summerize though that these past couple of months have been quite the ride. Many--many--tears, laughter, joy, pain, light and darkness, and so much more! I have grown more than I even realize right now. I, in a way, felt as though I was in the growning pain years of childhood again. Excited that every week another half inch taller, but at the same time, my body aches. This past week...discription: bipolar. Spiritual attacks all around me, constantly. Tuesday was the lowest of this past week containing past troubles and present trials. I broke just a little. I let Satan get a hold of that tiny hole, and he expanded it rapidly! I felt my flesh begin to take over with its desires. As I talk with those around me, we realize that it isn't just a few people randomly struggling or getting attacked, the war is getting more intense as the days go on. I see all around me oppression. But that is not all. I see Hope! I see this white satain fabric come from the sky, and gracefully fall upon the campus, embracing all that is near it. It doesn't just stop there though! The white, pure grace falls upon and covers the city, then continues to move towards surrounding areas, the river taking it with power down the US. As the week went on, my brothers and sisters encouraged me and spoke truth to me. And I thank them for that! :) With questions I had racing through my head, I went to the Bible to try and find the answers. With this I was lead to other verses. The main couple verses that I, in a way, had an epiphany with were 2 Corinthians 12:7-10. I have read countless times verses 9-10 but this time I decided to read before that. "Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messanger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness". Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." The part that got me was that Paul was given a thron in his flesh, Paul pleaded for God to take it from him, but instead God replies with "My grace is sufficient for you..."! This hit me in an entirely new light! All we need in our trials and pain is God's grace. It is enough! I also realized, if God gets glory when I am weak, if His power is made perfect in my weakness, then bring on the weakness. For when I am weak, then I am strong! Not only all of this, but for the past month if not more, I have been trying to figure out where God wants me and what He wants to do with me. What has God gifted me with? How do I use those gifts to the full potential God has for them? I think things are just starting to be revealed and I am unbelievably excited! Though, I find myself at times being impatient and wanting to know now. But I trust that God will reveal what He wants, when He wants, and it will be perfect! **God, use me to the potential you have for me! Clean me out! And fill me a new! I want nothing of me and all of You!**